- Buried in Sand
- November 28th, 2012
As I look at it half-buried in sand, the tears cloud my eyes.
I see you.
I want you.
I had you.
And I lost you.
I brush the tears away in frustration, wondering just WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED.
I want to bleed because that's what I feel. Pain.
I want to hurt, because I am hurting.
I want to yell, scream and shout, because I feel my words are falling on deaf ears.
And I want to kill my feelings, because I don't want to feel anymore.
I don't want to hate you anymore.
I don't want to love you anymore.
I don't want to give you a second chance anymore.
I don't want time to remind me of the hurt and the anger.
I bottle it all up, never to show it, because it matters not that I cried. It mattered not that I wanted you to come get me.
True, I should be able to save myself.
But maybe I was just waiting for you to show me just how much I mattered to you.
Aunt Irma or not, this is real.
It was always real.
I may not love you romantically, save that for your lover.
I love you still.
I wait still, hoping one day, a day I still remember hope, that you will be back.
And things will be back, as if the dark cloud never came to swallow us both.
I took you out because I didn't want to see any more things that will only hate you more.
I am happy you are happy, but I will be honest. I also want to be a part of that happiness.
In my prayers I pray I find peace, and find the reason behind why I cared about you.
I pray that I can look back at this and laugh someday, realizing just how immature this whole thing was.
But right now, I am still in pain, I don't care if it's been months.
I have been hurt
And for that, I will cry and whine and wail about it.